First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize