We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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