1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
