New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
