Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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