He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
