I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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