My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
