who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
