i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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