I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
