It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
