I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
