Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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