i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
