what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
