then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
