I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
