I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
whose parrot is this?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
