You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
