I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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