I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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