I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
