ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
