i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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