I'm so fucking centered right now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
