Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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