can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
