the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
