And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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