i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
