after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
