I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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