Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
