Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
