In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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