You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
