Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
