I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
