I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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