You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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