we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
