I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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