She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
