just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize