I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
