I like my sex mixed with concussions.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
