I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
