I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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