Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
