she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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