Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
