I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
