i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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