you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
