I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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