i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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