Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
