So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
