I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He passed out mid-signature
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
