Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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