I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
