I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
