Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
