So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
