Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
