Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize