I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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