we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
