Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dear god my vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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