if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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