I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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