the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
