No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
