she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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