I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
