I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
